When Guns are Outlawed, Only Outlaws will have Knives, Bats and Meat Cleavers

Lifestyles of the violent and illegal aliens — in England, where guns actually are outlawed. Criminalien Bilal Miah would have had his ticket punched by knife-wielding, cleaver-chopping, and bat-swinging Dalya Saeed, if the UK didn’t have really good emergency services.

The punchline? Dalya was Bilal’s estranged wife, and she whipped out the knife after a meeting about child custody segued into four hours of intense sex. The Sun (UK):

Dalya Saeed, 35, is accused of stabbing Bilal Miah, 31, with a carving knife and trying to pull out his intestines after the pair had romped.

A court heard part of Mr Miah’s small bowel was cut from his body and thrown on to the bedroom carpet.

The taxi driver, who had remarried, told a jury he desperately tried to push his entrails back into his stomach after being attacked by his estranged wife at her home.

Saeed denied charges of attempted murder and wounding with intent when she went on trial at Birmingham Crown Court on Monday.

Mr Miah told the jury he was attacked by Saeed at around 10pm on October 19, 2015 after going to her flat in Moseley, Birmingham.

He said the pair had argued about custody of their daughter before they ended up back on the bed.

Giving evidence, Mr Miah added: “Suddenly in the blink of an eye, and I didn’t see the knife, she stabbed me twice in the belly.

“I can only assume the knife came from either under the bed or the pocket of her dressing gown.

“My intestines were out, everything was out and she was grabbing hold of them, trying to pull them.

“She broke one of them and threw it on to the floor but I managed to put the rest of them back in my belly.”

The court heard Mr Miah tried to flee the flat but Saeed pursued him into the street where she attacked him with a wooden bat and a meat cleaver.

“The female of the species is deadlier than the male.” Once, Britons learned that poem in school. But of course these aren’t exactly Britons, are they?

He was only discovered in a nearby doorway at 3am when neighbours heard his screams and called police.

The jury were told Mr Miah suffered 30 separate wounds and spent ten days in hospital, where he had two operations, but made a full recovery.

The generosity of the British taxpayer, which no doubt Mr Miah and Ms Saeed are not, knows no rational bounds.

Prosecutor Adam Western told the jury: “The cuts were so severe part of his small bowel ended up on the carpet.

“She caused his injuries. Her intention was nothing less than to kill him.”

Well, on the one hand, who knows what ideas were among the bats in her belfry? But on the other hand, homicidal intent does seem like a reasonable inference, under the circumstances.

via Dad ‘had to stuff his entrails back into his stomach when his ex-wife disemboweled him after 4 hour sex session’.

23 thoughts on “When Guns are Outlawed, Only Outlaws will have Knives, Bats and Meat Cleavers

      1. SAM

        Thank for the link so its;

        the weapon sometimes known as a “zombie knife”, “zombie killer knife” or “zombie slayer knife”, being a blade with—
        (i)a cutting edge;
        (ii)a serrated edge; and
        (iii)images or words (whether on the blade or handle) that suggest that it is to be used for the purpose of violence.”.

        A serrated edge is the cutting edge and if it’s not got a cutting edge its a knife as all knives have to have a cutting edge.
        So it’s a knife with images or words ( blade or/and handle) that suggest that it is to be used for the purpose of violence.
        Why not just say that? As they where already banned under the “combat knives ban” they have pass the same law twice.

        1. SAM

          You think that’s mad how about “Doctors’ kitchen knives ban. Doctors say knives are too pointed. A&E doctors are calling for a ban on long pointed kitchen knives to reduce deaths from stabbing. http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/4581871.stm These are the same Doctors that work in the NHS no wonder it in a mess.
          http://www.medica-tradefair.com/cgi-bin/md_medica/lib/pub/tt.cgi/Doctors_Call_for_Ban_on_Pointed_Kitchen_Knives.html?oid=15698&lang=2&ticket=g_u_e_s_t
          https://www.theguardian.com/uk/2005/may/27/ukcrime.prisonsandprobation
          http://www.express.co.uk/news/uk/46266/Ban-kitchen-knives-to-save-lives-says-doctor

          1. Mike_C

            I remember reading the original “scientific letter” in IIRC the British Medical Journal. It was penned by three Emergency Department (= Casualty, A+E in other parts of the Anglosphere) physicians, two of whom were trainees. That’s sort of the medical equivalent of a shiny new 2LT stating ex cathedra “In my experience” (plain O1, not O1e).

            Anyway, the answer to people like that is simply: No. If one wants to elaborate, then: No. Go away. Debating about whether pointy knives are needed by chefs for meat and fish is losing the battle already.

          2. Hognose Post author

            Thanks for confirmation that the lunatics are wearing the white coats and clutching the keys in the loony bin that used to be the Mother Country.

            Still, you could be the Germans, who were hyperventilating last year when — egads! — Bundeswehr soldiers let kids handle firearms on open house day.

            http://www.dw.com/en/german-army-slammed-for-letting-children-hold-guns/a-19332025

            Of all the things my old units did to engage with the public, by far the most positively appreciated was what we called “Gun Petting zoo” at airshows, etc. As an SF unit we had a good locker of foreign and obsolete weapons, and not just the teen boys you would expect, but everyone, seemed to like the chance to heft a BAR, M249 or a Barrett M82A1.

            It’s always edifying to see young You Go Grrrl reassess her potential as an infantrywoman, spawned by a thousand Hollywood flicks where 95-lb. Cutie Du Jour drop-kicks a dozen bikers/mafia-goons/WWE-gorillas, after picking up the Barrett. If that doesn’t faze her, there’s the mortar baseplate or cannon.

          1. SAM

            A military run by the military how on earth could anyone know there would be weapons?
            “As an SF unit we had a good locker of foreign and obsolete weapons, and not just the teen boys you would expect, but everyone” my Gran would have loved that right up to the time she found out there was no ammo.

  1. Jacobs

    Kudos to the guy for having the wherewithal to see his entrails hanging down, grab them, shove them back in his gut, and GTFO of there.

  2. LSWCHP

    I’m with Jacob on this. A pretty gutsy (haha) play, stuffing the severed ends of your intestines back in the gash in your belly while fending off further attempts to pull them out and then successfully beating feet.

    It’s amazing what some people are capable of when shit (actually, in this case) starts going down.

  3. Cap'n Mike

    Left Left oh right left
    left right left
    keep it in step
    but dont let your dingle dangle dangle in the dirt
    pick up your dingle dangle and tie it to your shirt
    left left oh right left

  4. Sam Helm

    I just wonder how consensual their “romp” was. MAYBE she had reason to be a mite upset. The story did not seem too clear on why.

  5. John Distai

    Four hours of intense sex? Oh, to be in your 30’s again…

    That must be why European co-eds are welcoming refugees with open…

    1. Mike_C

      >Four hours of intense sex?
      More like better living through chemistry is my guess. Phosphodiesterase-5 inhibitors, specifically.
      True story: PDE5 inhibitors are vasodilators. Sildenafil (generic name for Viagra) was initially tested for either hypertension or angina (I forget which) and was not very effective for that indication. The clinical trial was shut down, and study participants were asked to turn in their remaining stock of pills. Compared to prior trials (of other test drugs) they got very poor compliance – lots of people refused to turn in their sildenafil (or lost all their pills in a tragic freak boating accident, etc). Some bright spark at Pfizer decided to see what was, er, up with that, and that’s how Viagra came (so to speak) to be. Sildenafil is also marketed as Revatio for treatment of pulmonary-arterial hypertension (PAH != garden variety systemic arterial HTN; it’s MUCH scarier). No, I don’t know if PAH patients on Revatio are walking around with erections all the time.

      Anyway, in matters of feminine pulchritude, de gustibus non est disputandum and all that, but Ms Saeed is certainly NOT my cuppa tea. (Even minus the stabby inclinations.) Plus I’m disappointed in her murdering skills. I mean, you’ve got some dude literally shagged out, you wound him 30 times with a jeezly carving knife, and he’s still alive? Article says nothing about whether he’s gelded or castrated, but apparently she didn’t manage that either? I’m disappointed in Mr Miah too. REMARRIED the article says. Shagging not-your-wife (and especially your ex, Jackass!) is contraindicated. Sheesh.

      @SamHelm: indeed, non-consensuality seems to be the cornerstone of her defense.
      @Cap’n Mike: Ahahaha!

    2. Mike_C

      >Four hours of intense sex? Oh, to be in your 30’s again…
      Maybe it’s age. I’m betting better living through pharmacology though. PDE-5 inhibitors to be specific. Maybe that was it: Mr Miah had an erection lasting longer than 4 hours, and Ms Saeed kindly intervened in this incipient medical emergency.

      >I just wonder how consensual their “romp” was.
      That appears to be the cornerstone of her defense.

      Frankly I’m disappointed in both of them.
      Miah: You’re remarried, for God’s sake. Why are you screwing your ex? (Plus, de gustibus non est disputandum and all that, but … Yeesh! […] Another reason I lean toward the little blue pill theory.)
      Saeed: You had a guy who was literally shagged out, you wounded him 30 times with a jeezly carving knife, and he’s still alive? And while the article does not say, apparently still possessed of his yarbles? WTF, woman?

  6. revjen45

    1) That was one pissed off chick.

    2) How long does the blade have to be to expect such results?

    3) Bonus question: Gerber MkII or Fairbairn-Sykes for domestic violence when you don’t have a gun?

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