When Guns are Outlawed, Only Outlaws will have Chainsaws

chainsaw bladeOK, this is a moldy oldie from March, 2016, but we don’t recall using it before. If we did, well, the refund window is on your left. We found it on the priceless, entertaining Hey Jackass!

It was a “death investigation,” which is the LE term for something that could be homicide, suicide, natural causes, or remain in the “beats-us-with-a-stick” category. If this is a suicide, well… this method of suicide is innovative.

A man was found dead Saturday evening with traumatic neck injuries apparently caused by a chainsaw in the South Shore neighborhood.

The 34-year-old man was found in an apartment building in the 7100 block of South East End Avenue about 5:55 p.m., according to Chicago Police.

According to a police report, the man was found with severe neck injuries, with an electric chainsaw lying near his neck.

Most people don’t have chainsaws in apartment buildings, unless they’ve just been watching¬†Scarface¬†(the 1990s one) and came away with some ideas.

On the other hand, if it’s a suicide, you have to admit that cutting one’s throat with a chainsaw is epic. Epically messy, anyway.

Well, one way to stop the whisperings of the snakes in your head is to saw the head off.

7 thoughts on “When Guns are Outlawed, Only Outlaws will have Chainsaws

  1. Hillbilly

    Chainsaw injuries are something I am intimately familiar with. I have a fair number of scars from my time logging. Almost everyone I knew who ran saw professionally had been bit at least once.
    I was on the down hill side of a 4′ diameter Douglas Fir making my backcut and the bar tip caught a falling wedge I had beat in. The saw kicked back out of the cut and caught my left wrist just below the joint. I could swear I felt it hit the bone. I remember seeing bone when I looked at the cut.
    I have another nice scar on my right forearm which looks bad and bled like a stuck pig, but wasn’t actually that deep. On our way to get me stitched up I showed it to a flagger on a road construction crew who didn’t believe we needed to get to the clinic and she looked like she was about to puke, which was was kind of entertaining.
    Direct pressure and elevate the wound worked in both those cases.
    I can actually visualize what that dudes neck looked like, messy to say the least even with a little electric saw.

  2. Loren

    While living in the Colorado mountains I was visiting the local clinic to get some stitches for the usual (for me) construction project blood sacrifice. This being fall, the talk soon turned to chainsaw cuts.
    Seems that facial cuts are by far the most common these people see so perhaps this incident was an accident.
    OT, as mentioned on a previous post, just went through China on the way to Oz. China still sucks and Australia still great. The 80 degree temp difference between my home in Wi and the one here might be one reason. Enjoy the winter you guys. I will.

  3. Hillbilly

    Small chainsaws like most homeowners use are probably one of the most dangerous tools around.
    Kickback caused by the tip of the bar hitting wood is probably the most common cause of chainsaw injuries and small saws with under 24″ bar are bad for this since they don’t have much mass to resist the rotational force. I mostly used big pro saws with 28″ or longer bars. You have to mess up bad to get one up near the face.
    I did nick the front edge of my hard hat one time, my left hand activated the chainbrake just about the time it touched. I had got tired and sloppy near the end of the day and stuck the tip of the bar into a mess of limbs on the log I was walking down limbing.
    Lot of ways to end up dead in the logging industry.

    1. John Distai

      I was on a power tool kick some years back and almost purchased one. I had some fantasy of helping neighbors with downed trees after a big storm or something. Then I read something about the need for leather leggings and all sorts of other safety gear, and just how nasty one of those things can be. I figured that I was probably messing with something I had no business messing with, and the “extra helpful neighbor” fantasy quickly faded.

  4. Billybob

    Side note for fun.
    I worked as a tree climber-trimmer for many years. After I moved to southern Ca. I climbed a 70′ palm and trimmed it.
    I said never again. You would have to hold the chainsaw over your head while using your spikes and belt. The old sharp tipped fronds are loaded with pigeon, owl, hawk, and rat nests and literally stuck together with feces. Each group of fronds you cut would weigh 20 or more pounds.
    Every year in the county we would have a trimmer suffocate and die when a group of fronds would hit him in the face, pushing him backwards against the waist belt and by the time a ladder truck arrived, game over.
    I would go by if the call was in our city, and pay my respects. Most of the guys were illegals, but having been there myself I knew it was a shitty way to go.

    1. Hillbilly

      Cutting at ground level was dangerous enough to meet my adrenaline quota. The guy’s that climb and top trees have more risk tolerance than I do.
      There used to be a Stihl ad that showed a guy 150′ in the air up a redwood where it was still 6′ + in diameter. It was a time lapse series of the top going over and when it went the base where the faller was at moved probably 10′ back and forth. I’m guessing it was a hell of a ride.

  5. Quill_&_Blade

    FWIW: Wife found a purse, no ID, no money; but it had a Lowe’s gift card. I took it to the store when I was going for other stuff. Turns out it had $92 on it. Sweet!! Needed a chainsaw, couldn’t afford one, so I bought an electric one for about $70. Been very pleased with it. Had to shore up an old building that was falling over, so I could use it as a shop. Power company was replacing old wood poles with new concrete ones, They gave away as many 10 foot sections as you wanted. Used those to prop up the shed. Couldn’t have done it with a circular saw, the electric chainsaw was great. Has been a big help with other projects too. If you don’t want to spend the money for a gas powered job, try the electric (for around the house).

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