Hognose is not just another pretty face. He is also a law-giver, in the tradition of Hammurabi, Moses, Napoleon, Newton, Murphy, and Peter. It strikes us that there are enough of these laws that they ought by rights to be collected in a single place; for now, it is this Post. If more Laws are revealed unto him by the ultimate Giver of All Laws, then perhaps we shall make it a permanent Page.
Without further ado, the Codex Nasicus:
- Hognose’s Law: For every scientific study there is an equal and opposite study. Cited 26 November 2014 at 0600.
- Hognose’s Law of Wars of Identity: Defines the possible outcomes of a “War of Identity” — a war where the two sides are not fighting over anything material, but over what one or both of them are. A War of Identity™ has three potential conclusions:
1. One side defeats and exterminates the other;
2. One side defeats and assimilates the other;
3. The war reaches an Equilibrium of Violence that is acceptable to both sides.Previous citations: 1 Nov 2013 at 1100 (this has the most thorough explanation); 7 Feb 2014 at 2311; 28 Oct 2015 at 1800.
- Hognose’s Law of Hyphenated Names: A person with a hyphenated last name cannot display more than half the effective IQ that they would have available if they were using either half of the name. (Exception: if your ancestors actually show up hyphenated in more than one Queen Victoria’s Birthday Honours Lists. In that case, you’re still dumb, but nobly so).
- Hognose’s Five Laws of Criminality:
- For some men, “crime” is just flat their job. For others, “criminal” is their identity. Good luck expecting anything different from them.
- The best guide to future behavior is past behavior. (Exercise for the reader: What 8-year-old in your third grade class was definitely destined for prison? How old was he when he first went?)
- The only thing that has ever made a child molester stop doing it is sustained cessation of respiration, blood flow, and brain wave activity. This is true for a lot of sex criminals, too. (Real ones, not guys who said something nasty about a fat chick at their college).
- No one ever stops after one crime. He only stops when he is stopped.
- Most crimes go unsolved, but all criminals get caught sooner or later.
First seen here on 2 July 14 @ 1400.