When Guns are Outlawed, Only Outlaws will have Antifreeze

Whacky Jackie Patrick -- the murderous wife

Wacky Jackie Patrick — the murderous wife

While we’ve heard of creeps poisoning animals, especially dogs, with antifreeze, we’ve never heard of it being used on humans before.

Well, there’s a first time for everything.

Following family arguments, Jacqueline Patrick, 55, twice tried to kill her husband Douglas, 70, in October and on Christmas Day 2013, by spiking his cherry Lambrini, a drink favored by teenagers looking to get drunk on a low budget.

“Perhaps most shocking of all was the note she gave to the London Ambulance Service purporting to be from her husband, stating that he did not wish to be resuscitated,” Detective Inspector Tracey Miller, of London’s Metropolitan Police, said in a statement.

She was undone, appropriately enough for an English would-be murderess, by her poor grasp of the English language.

The forged note showed a misspelling of the word dignity as “dignerty.” When police later asked her to write the word, Jacqueline Patrick made the same mistake.

Kids, this is why they teach you spelling.

Another would-be Professor Moriarty that didn’t particularly challenge Inspector Lestrade’s so-so investigative chops.

The couple’s daughter Katherine, 21, was sentenced to three years in jail after admitting to inciting her mother to poison her father, while Jacqueline pleaded guilty to two counts of attempted murder at the family’s south London home.

Douglas Patrick was rushed to a hospital fighting for his life, and tests revealed he was suffering from antifreeze poisoning.

“His wife was informed who then told doctors she thought Mr. Patrick may have drunk a blue liquid by mistake. The hospital, finding it strange that she hadn’t volunteered this information earlier, called police,” said the police statement.

Look, kids, if you’re going to commit awful crimes and then brazen ’em out, you need to learn one simple mnemonic: DAMN.

This is secret SF O&I tradecraft we’re giving up here, so pay attention.

Deny everything
Admit nothing
Make counteraccusations
Never change your story.

Daffy Kathy Patrick -- the homicidal daughter

Daffy Kathy Patrick — the homicidal daughter

We see a major failure of several points on here. Of course, once PC Plod/Inspector Lestrade got going, it was all but over for our heroines. Because these two criminal masterminds were also no-gos at the secure communications station.

Mother and daughter’s mobile phones were seized and revealed a series of incriminating exchanges, including “I got the stuff I will give him some later delete txt tell no one ok,” and “He feels sick again I gave him more delete this.”

She might have gotten away with poisoning her husband if not for one spelling mistake | New York Post.

No word on what is going on with the husband/father of these two inept would-be Lucrezia Borgias. It’s our understanding that anti-freeze poisoning can cause permanent damage even when it’s not fatal, and the guy was already 70 years old.

Well, they wanted him out of their life. Now they’ve got what they want, unless he starts coming on Visiting Day.

14 thoughts on “When Guns are Outlawed, Only Outlaws will have Antifreeze

  1. BAP

    It’s apparently pretty common to use antifreeze, guess it’s easy to conceal in sweet stuff like Gatorade. Heard of a lot of cases involving it in the US. Moral or the story if your wife hands you a green Gatorade after a fight just say no. Ha

  2. Tim, '80s Mech Guy

    We had one locally a while back, she offed a fireman and then a cop, thirteen or so years apart. Nearly got away with both. IIRC she died in prison.

    Plenty of “Natural Causes” slip by, probably fewer these days but still.

  3. jfre

    Oncologist vs Pulmonologist goes for the win with strangely sweet coffee.


    How can you purport to be a medical research scientist if you have not even looked up the LD50 of your chosen agent? As the acute oral toxicity of Ethylene Glycol is 5000 mg/kg, an 80 kilo man works out to about 400 grams or 0.9 lbs. Less than that is called a witness and victim rolled into one. While lower doses will kill or injure the beans, a couple tablespoons in the tea is really only a sporting dose.

    The woman spiking the booze was on the right track as she had the volume on her side but still fell short of the win.

  4. Tim E.

    “While we’ve heard of creeps poisoning animals, especially dogs, with antifreeze, we’ve never heard of it being used on humans before.”

    I’m surprised that you missed the Mark Jensen case – it’s a doozy! It has special meaning to me because I used to live in Kenosha, worked in the neighborhood, and was on good terms with the neighbor who testified.

    Mark Jensen was convicted by letters his dead Wife had written before she died and information she shared with the neighbor who testified at the trial – a controversial topic because Julie Jensen couldn’t be cross-examined – so she was both the victim and a witness – resulting in a conviction – and then the conviction was overturned. The State of Wisconsin has continued to pursue Mark Jensen, and in the latest:

    MADISON, Wis. (AP) — The state Justice Department has asked a federal appellate panel to reconsider overturning the conviction of a man found guilty of fatally poisoning his wife.

    A 7th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals panel ruled earlier this month that a handwritten note from Mark Jensen’s wife, Julie, saying he would be her first suspect if anything happened to her was improperly admitted into evidence. The panel found using the letter violated Jensen’s right to face his accuser.

    DOJ attorneys asked the appellate court Wednesday for a rehearing, arguing no U.S. Supreme Court case holds that such a note violates confrontation rights.

    Julie Jensen was found dead in her Pleasant Prairie home in 1998. Mark Jensen was found guilty of homicide in 2008 and sentenced to life.


    More at:




    1. Simon

      Yes, that was a major embarassment here in Austria. The stories vary, but apparently the amount of antifreeze was queried by the tax office on somebody’s yearly returns. As far as I know nobody died directly from this cause.

  5. Tom Kratman

    “About a maid I’ll sing a song.
    Sing rickity-tickity-tin.
    About a main I’ll sing a song
    Who didn’t have her family long.
    Not only did she do them wrong…
    She did every one of them in, them in,
    She did every one of them in.”

    –Tom Lehrer

    1. Hognose Post author


      “When they see me coming, the pigeons all run ‘n’ hide,
      But they still fall for peanuts, when coated with cyanide!
      All the world is in tune, on a spring afternoon, when you’re poisoning pigeons in the park!”

      Alas, he turned into a boring math prof and a thoroughly conventional and uninteresting academic lefty. He’s probably out there now encouraging students to hold their breath until they turn blue.

        1. Hognose Post author

          From the patter introduction: “The Army, the world’s only Equal Opportunity Employer for Ability.” True in some ways, and still the core belief of the Yarvard crowd. Oh, yeah, I’m a huge fan, and that’s the reason, not the show, my weekly wrap is called “That Was the Week that Was.”

  6. Mike_C

    Ethanol (EtOH, likker alcohol) is a treatment for ethylene glycol poisoning*.
    W: Are you still drinking? It’s 1 AM. Why are you still drinking?
    M: I think someone tried to poision me with antifreeze today. Gotta keep my BAC up, just trying to save the kidneys, dear.

    *Breakdown products of ethylene glycol (EG) are what does in the kidneys. Both EtOH and EG are initially broken down by the same enzyme. That enzyme is more “attracted” to EtOH than EG, so with enough EtOH available it never gets around to the EG. The EG still has to be removed from the body, but that’s a separate problem.

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