When Guns are Outlawed, only Outlaws will have Mothers. Again.

mom tattooWait, didn’t we just have this story a couple days ago? No, we had a completely different mother-induced disaster. This one involves Mom, Mary Jane, an address on you-couldn’t-make-this-up Hobbit Street, and a gravity assist:

On April 14 Austin Essig launched himself through a plate glass window at 1050 Hobbit Street, an apartment complex near Colorado State University in Fort Collins.
In a post on Fort Collins Police Services’ Facebook page Essig, 19, wrote that he followed the recommended dosage, he only ate one brownie and that his reaction to the marijuana was “far from normal.”
Essig told police he ingested marijuana but wouldn’t say in the post where he got it.
On Thursday, Police arrested Julieane Jablonski for tampering with a witness and providing marijuana to an underage person. Tampering with a witness is a felony. Jablonski, 38, was booked into the Larimer County Jail.
Through their investigation, police learned that Essig consumed one dose of an edible marijuana brownie. He had not consumed any other substance prior to or after consuming the brownie and started acting strangely.
According to witnesses Essig ran toward the living room window and jumped out of it without hesitation. The fall three stories seriously injured Essig.

via Mom Arrested For Giving Edibles To Son Who Jumped From 3rd Story « CBS Denver.

To be strictly technical, it wasn’t the 3-story fall that injured Austin Essig, it was the sudden stop at the end. As we use to say in the paratroop racket, “He cam down” — no pun intended — “with deceleration sickness.” And again, to be strictly technical, it’s not a “fall” if the guy jumped. 

Julieane Jablonski, who gave the Makes You Think You Can Fly Like Superman® brownie to Essig, is his mother.

Since when is a 19-year-old an “underage person?” That’s about the median for our infantry Marine and combat paratrooper riflemen these days. Of course, they’re not being fed doped brownies by their dope moms.

Or are they? Wait, don’t tell us.

3 thoughts on “When Guns are Outlawed, only Outlaws will have Mothers. Again.

  1. Martin S

    Well now, there was the 60s when various armed forces were using troops for testing of everything from LSD, to see if it made them super troopers; to chem and bio weapons in small doses to see how it worked.

    The bad old days, inextricably linked to the good old days.

  2. Ben

    Hognose sir,

    Considering that I grew up near the fair city of Fort Collins and that it’s a college town, I can’t say that I’m all that surprised. As far as troops, brownies and mother dearest* go, I know quite a few people in the Army who partook of the local herb (among other things) before they joined and it is a sad fact that there’s people who get kicked out for pissing hot.

    * Had a friend who went to the 10th Mountain who made some pot brownies and his mom scarfed ’em down, thinking they were just regular brownies. Hilarity did not ensue.

  3. Tennessee Budd

    I’ve long maintained that one of two things should be done:
    A) lower the age for drinking to 18, or
    B) raise the age for Selective Service registration to 21
    When I joined, I was already legal & had been since I turned 18, but for the younger ones, at that time, military members were exempt from the 21-and-up rule. That changed.
    I hear that Hawaii’s legislature has passed a bill raising the age to purchase tobacco products and e-cigs to 21. The guv’nor will probably sign it. Wonder what the rules will be on local bases? I bet DoD knuckles under locally, may even say “What a great idea!” & push it for all bases. After all, if the rule applies at Pearl & Schofield, it’s only fair to do it services-wide.
    Remember when local COs could decide such things?

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