Sunday Somnambulism

Well, it feels like we are sleepwalking here. Maybe ‘ not. Maybe we’re actually awake, and just wish we weren’t. But it does feel like sleepwalking.

Or does it? We don’t have any recollection of sleepwalking, ever, and have never been accused of any such thing. Consequently, we have a degree of skepticism that such a thing even exists. It sounds like the sort of thing psychologists make up to sound clever, and hide the fact that nobody knows a damned thing about what goes on inside a homo sapiens’s brain housing group. We’d better look it up.

Heh, apparently it is a real thing. Mayo Clinic says so. So does the National Institute of Medicine.

Guess we better start believing in it.

Symptoms of sleepwalking include:

  • Acting confused or disoriented when the person wakes up
  • Aggressive behavior when woken uip by someone else
  • Having a blank look on the face
  • Opening eyes during sleep
  • Not remembering the sleep walking episode when they wake up
  • Performing detailed activity of any type during sleep
  • Sitting up and appearing awake during sleep
  • Talking in sleep and saying things that do not make sense
  • Walking during sleep

Wait, what? “…saying things that do not make sense?” We guess whoever wrote that never experienced an election year

8 thoughts on “Sunday Somnambulism

  1. Bill K

    Once when about 10 years old, I heard thumping that sounded like soldiers marching that got louder and louder. Pretty soon I was worried that they were coming to invade our house. And soon after, the thumps became faster and faster and I was convinced that they were on the run and about to come in the door.

    Meanwhile Mom & Dad were in the living room when they suddenly heard running up and down the hall. Mom came out to see that it was me. As she tried to come after me to stop me, I ran into the bathroom and in stark terror leaped into the bathtub and was trying to climb the tile shower walls to get away from the soldiers.

    Next thing I knew, she was shaking me and I woke up… Curse sleepwalking + the sympathetic fight & flight response!

  2. Expat

    When i was a kid I woke up in a different bed to the one I went to sleep in. No clue how I got there.
    The worst thing though is acting out in bed a karate free fight. The now ex really, really didn’t appreciate that.
    If I knew then what I know now I might have done it more often (as he chuckles evilly.)

  3. Ken

    I think symptom #9 is the key. My wife talks crazy in her sleep but I’ve never seen her get up and walk around unless going to the bathroom. Sleep peeing?

  4. gbob

    My wife woke up to find me still asleep, and reassembling my xd45. I don’t get to have a gun on my nightstand anymore. I didn’t get really scared until i realized that you have to pull the trigger to remove the slide.

    1. Hognose Post author

      Yeah, that’s a good reason to put the gun a bit further away. Or in her nightstand. With any risk, you have to assess the probability and the potential consequences, and you’re a lot more likely to sleepwalk again than you are to get burgled (unless you live on the south side of Chicago or someplace like that, in which case, move!).

  5. John b

    On LONG ruck marches that was the thing to do. Taught by a salty Vietnam vet who learned from THE OLD BREED about doing 30 mile marches a day for a solid month. It was called the recon shuffle amongst other names but basically your brain rested while your body works.

    Marching REQUIRES a hardening of the feet and legs, the body will accomplish the mission if the mind will let it.

    Videotape yourself while sleep, your body goes through a workout even in bed. The modern man has lost grasp of this basic fact, that even when the brain is resting the body isn’t.

    1. Hognose Post author

      We called it the “Ranger Drone,” and the noun for what you were doing was “Droning.” It wasn’t quite asleep, but it wasn’t quite awake either. Many soldiers only experience this in Ranger School, and have a story or two about breaks in contact caused by thinking the bush in front of you on a dark night was the guy ahead of you in the line of march, and so missing when the actual guy rucked up and moved out. It’s why infantry units on patrol are extremely fastidious about sending up a count after every stop, obstacle or danger area.

      A lot of us got that way on operations or exercises. In 10th and 11th Group it usually came with hypothermia and the mental effects of that cold weather injury: paranoia, hallucinations. Fortunately it’s just a phase you go through in hypothermia before the guys warm you up somehow. Or you die. As I remember it, the mental phase of hypothermia comes after you stop shivering, but that could be a false memory. Not a pleasant experience.

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