When guns are outlawed, only outlaws will have oranges.

Once the idea to commit homicide is formed in the ultimate weapon, the human mind, that practically anything that falls to hand becomes a weapon. Even things you’d never expect.

Two men in rural South Africa are suspected of killing a farmworker by throwing oranges at him.

Citing witness accounts, police lieutenant-colonel Moatshe Ngoepe said the suspects had allegedly argued with the man, then collected oranges and begun hurling them at him.

“They started pelting the deceased with all those loose oranges, killing him on the spot,” Ngoepe said. However, he cautioned that an investigation was still under way and aspects of a case he described as complicated still had to beĀ verified.

The man was declared dead at the scene and had “no visible injury”, suggesting he might have suffered blunt trauma, according to Ngoepe. He did not comment on the cause of the argument that led to the assault. Police and prosecutors are awaiting the results of a postmortem examination.

via Two men arrested after South African worker is ‘pelted to death with oranges’ | World news | The Guardian.

So far, there have been no riots, no demands for a ban on deadly assault citrus, no police pursuing permission to provide pulp permits.


But give the Regulatory State time. In time, they will realize these things must be done. For the Childrenā„¢.

10 thoughts on “When guns are outlawed, only outlaws will have oranges.

  1. Noakes

    I for one think you should need a juicer’s license to handle oranges on a daily basis.

    1. WyomingBound

      Has anyone ever been killed by apples?
      Not that you could compare the two crimes.

  2. Wise Cave Owl

    oranges are brutal, just brutal. There’s a scene in “The Grifters” where Mr. Big threatens to work Angelika Huston over w a sack full of oranges. She becomes very obedient very suddenly

  3. Jim

    Friend of mine got entangled with a woman a few years back. The fact that her nickname was “Psycho” shoulda warned him off but he got to thinkin with the wrong head. Well long story short, turned out that when things didnt go the way she wanted, she would put an orange in a sock and beat hell out of herself with it..then call the cops. That got him jammed up real good for awhile til her kid made mention of it to somebody. The world is a very strange place full of very strange people.

    1. Hognose Post author

      Lord God Almighty, may the various Plaintiffs never learn of this tactic. I love women but no matter how incredible one seems in the first flashes of limerence, somebody, somewhere has a story that would curl your hair, and in time you too are That Guy.

      1. Y.

        I think one ought to date psycho women to get it out of their system early on. I’ve done that inadvertently, and it was instructive. Eating disorders are especially a big warning sign, something like 2/3rds of women with those have borderline personality disorder..

        Or at least, habitually wear and record the psycho SO with a pinhole camera to forestall such underhanded tactics.

  4. Stefan van der Borght

    How long does it take to decease someone with a pile of Valencias (unfrozen and arm-launched) ? Also, what’s to stop them throwing them back, or, perhaps being more practical, simply punching you out, and making off with the free fruit? Surely this belongs in the LLAD category as well as the WGAO/UW collections……

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