If you served, Jody needs no introduction. He’s the civilian guy who’s got your girl and gone while you were away at the drill faces (pun intended) of the salt mines. If you didn’t know, “Jody” is the much-reviled star of dozens of cadence calls, used to get trainees’ brain stems into sync so that they march in step, and their minds lose any grip on the fact that D&C is training for any of the wars of the eighteenth century.
But that’s the Army for you: centuries of tradition, untainted by progress.
Jody serves a valuable purpose, as hard as that is to bear in mind when you’re trying to talk PV2 Joe Tentpeg into putting down the .45 because Mary Sue Rottencrotch back on the block is not really worth particle-blasting the inside of one’s cranium with gunpowder over.
First, Jody polices up all the untended Mary Sues, keeping the dating market in balance back in Hometown, USA, when the boys run off and join up. He prevents them from suffering the girlish feelings that proceed from separation and loss, and gets them started on the womanly emotions that attend duplicity and backstabbing.
He also provides a great motivator than training NCOs can exploit to keep young soldiers and junior officers in a razor’s-edge state of fighting keenness.
These are some of the reasons that some unknown philanthropist has chosen to honor Jody with his first-ever motivational bumper sticker:
Consider one of Jody’s other accomplishments: he also peels off many unsatisfactory and unworthy former girlfriends and ex-wives, letting soldiers seek superior women, more suited to their higher status.
For all these reasons, considering what-all he’s done for the boys, why, Jody’s practically a veteran himself, by now.
He could even have PTSD from a decade of listening to Mary Sue complain.
And deep down inside, every soldier knows it: Jody? Sucks to be him.